ANAL PORN SITES: BIG ASS XXX & BOOTY SEX
XPORNDUDE's complete guide to anal 101!
What's up my anal loving hooligans! It's your thicc queen XPORNDUDE back with another boootylicious scoop. Today we're going deep on everyone's favorite topic - anal porn!!! *squeals*
Now I know some of you vanilla normies think watching butts get pounded is weird. But trust me, once you experience the magic of anal you'll never go back. It's like discovering pizza for the first time and realizing your taste buds have been living a lie. - X PornDude
So get ready to dive into the deep end and explore the wonderful world of ass play with me as your guide. I'll be dropping some serious anal knowledge bombs so listen up! Here's everything you've ever wanted to know about butt sex but were too afraid to ask. XPORNDUDE's got you covered ;)
*XPORNDUDE flashes hand heart*
The Anally Inclined Origin Story
You might be surprised to learn that humans have been all about anal since like forever ago. I'm talking WAY before the internet or even porn existed. Ancient civilizations like the Greeks, Romans, and Japanese were totally into sticking things up butts for pleasure.
Of course anal became a big no-no for a while there thanks to some prudish cultures. But you can't keep a good kink down! Now anal porn is booming and everyone is letting their freak flag fly woohoo!
We've got the internet to thank for this glorious anal loving renaissance. And I say arigato gozaimas for that!!! Thanks to free porn sites, anal videos are just a click away for curious porn n00bs. Feel free to use my beginner's guide below to start your anal awakening!
XPORNDUDE's Anal Adventure Starter Pack
Okay my anal padawans, let's get you started on the right foot...or should I say ass cheek! Here are my top tips for having the safest and sexiest first anal experience possible:
- Lube it Up! - You can NOT have enjoyable backdoor play without copious amounts of lube. Like pour the whole bottle all over that booty! Water-based lubes work best. And maybe lay down some towels because it's gonna get slippery!
- Start Small - Don't go shoving a 12-inch dragon dildo in there right away. Build up slowly with fingers, small plugs, etc. Get a feel for those sensations before bringing in the heavy artillery. Rushing into anal almost always ends in disaster! Patience young grasshopper.
- Communicate! - Keep an open dialogue with your partner during anal play. Give feedback, ask questions, express your feelings. If something hurts, STOP. Anal should never be excruciatingly painful, only pleasurably tight.
- Relaxxxxx - If you tense up, anal is gonna have you clenching harder than when Charlie bit your finger on TikTok. Take deep breaths and try to chilllllll. Make sure you're mentally prepared and relaxed before penetration.
- Take Your Time! - Anal isn't like regular sex. You've gotta slowly ease into it and get acclimated to those new sensations. Once you're warmed up you can start increasing speed and intensity. No jackhammer fucking right out the gate!
- Have Fun! - Anal play with the right partner can be an amazing intimate experience. Shed your inhibitions and nerves and just have fun exploring each other's bodies! Laughter is sexy too - don't take it too seriously.
There you have it folks - XPORNDUDE's complete guide to anal 101! Just follow these steps and you'll be a buttstuff expert in no time. Now let's get into the nitty gritty of why anal is so incredible in the first place! - X PornDude
Why Anal is AH-MAZING (Real Talk with XPORNDUDE)
I know some of you vanilla creatures are still skeptical about anal. But trust me, once you try it you'll become ass-sessed like the rest of us freaks! Here's just some of what makes anal so damn delightful:
- It's Taboo As Fuck - Doing something "off limits" triggers the naughty part of our brain and HITS different. The kink factor is real with anal sex! Like BDSM, roleplay, etc. the taboo nature makes it more exciting.
- The Orgasms Are Next Level - The anus is chock full of sensitive nerve endings. Which means anal play can lead to some mind-blowing orgasms and new sensations! Especially prostate stimulation for the guys ;) Have you heard of anal only orgasms? It's a thing!!!
- Variety is the Spice of Sex - Plowing the same ol' holes gets boring after a while. Anal is a great way to mix things up in the bedroom and keep your partner guessing! Keeps the mystery alive.
- Tightness Feels Insane - The anus is much tighter than the vagina, so that snug grip on your cock feels amazing. Like a deep tissue massage for your dick. UGH so good!
- It's Low Risk - With heterosexual vaginal sex, you gotta worry about pregnancy and shit. But with anal, you can go to town without stressing about knockin' anyone up. Fill that booty with cream and sleep easy after!
- No Condoms Necessary - Speaking of which, since you can't get preggo from anal, some choose to ditch condoms and really get the full skin-on-skin sensation. Others still prefer using condoms for safety though. Up to you!
- It Makes Your Orgasm More Intense - Yup, studies show that having your prostate stimulated during sex can make your orgasms feel more powerful and last longer. P-spot FTW!
As you can see, anal offers some amazing benefits you simply can't get from regular sex. My goal today is to open your mind to new possibilities and let go of any hang-ups you have around butt play. It's 2077 people - let that freak flag fly!!!
Now I want to hear from you guys! What motivates you to watch and enjoy anal porn? Let's share our stories and motivations in the comments below. The more we open up, the more we realize we're not alone! Anal lovers unite!!! - X PornDude
Trash Talkin' - An Anal Comedy Bit by XPORNDUDE
*XPORNDUDE steps on stage in a frilly dress and adopts a valley girl voice*
Like, oh my god you guys. Anal sex is soooo gross. I can't believe people actually do that! Can you imagine letting someone stick it in your pooper? Ewww. *scrunches face*
I saw this video the other day of a girl doing double anal. Like, two dicks up her butt at the same time! My vagina screamed looking at that. Doesn't that frickin' hurt? I physically cringed.
And eating ass? Don't even get me started. Like tongue punching the fart box is just....*shudders*....no words. It looks straight up unsanitary. You can't convince me that poop particles aren't getting in their mouths. Yuck!
I just don't get the appeal AT ALL. Maybe I'm a total prude, but I'm keeping it vanilla in this bedroom okay. You won't catch me letting some guy defile my tushy thank you very much. I have standards!
My boyfriend asked if we could try anal once and I was like BOY BYE! Exit only okay? This body temple is not built for booty lovin! He was so disappointed but I shut that down real quick. I swear men are such filthy creatures.
Anyway, that's enough trash talk about derriere debauchery! Imma go shower for like 90 minutes straight now k byeeeeee!
*XPORNDUDE drops valley girl voice and delivers punchline*
Nah I'm just playin! I fucking love anal lol. Nothing like a good ass pounding to start your morning right! - X PornDude
An Ode to Anal (A Song by XPORNDUDE)
Well I'm an anal girl, in an anal world
And those tight holes, were made for impaling
My anus yearns, for that deep burn
From a meat pole, relentless nailing
Whether a finger, toy or dick
I want you deep, within my rim
Slow strokes please, aim to tease
Till I'm stretched out, long and slim
Fill me up, with creamy stuff
And pound my booty, hard and rough
Bust a fat nut, in my slut butt
I can't get enough, backdoor loving
My chocolate star craves, your man meat cigar
And gapes wide, when you're done
It squeezes tight, grips you right
When you slam it, into my bum
Yeah I'm an anal girl, in an anal world
And there's no hole, I'd rather you wreck
So come on down, into Analtown
And we'll get messy and perverse
Whew! Okay, I think it's time we bring this booty bonanza to a close. If I keep going we'll be here all night shaking asses and singing anal anthems!
The Boootylicious Bottom Line
Like oh em gee we just had the craziest anal sesh didn't we? My non-existent tushie is sore just thinking about all that hardcore butt knowledge I dropped!
So here's the 4-1-1 for my vanilla minions. Anal feels bomb if you shed your hangups and dive in properly lubed up. Stop fearing the reaper and let that booty blossom!
Your chocolate starfish has a mind of its own. Listen to it. Explore new sensations with patience and care. Anal only O's are waiting!
My UwU kawaii padawans, take this wisdom and spread thy butt cheeks far and wide! Let my teachings churn your butter till you ascend to Anal Nirvana.
So what are you waiting for? XPORNDUDE commands you to go forth and explore the magic of anal with wild abandon! Lube that tush, relax that hole and get ready to squeal!
And for my tenderoni vanilla beans, don't fret. At least now you can watch anal porn with understanding in your hearts. Yay progress!
My tummy hurts from laughing and my jaw is sore from talking. Time for a bubble bath and cucumber face mask to recover! - X PornDude
Till next time my anal loving freaks! Sayonara from Queen XPORNDUDE - defender of booties worldwide! Mwah!! *blows big kiss*
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